Hello. I'm thinking I should use this place to post all the shit I think because no-one reads this, so it's pretty safe, maybe. I'm still un-diagnosed but pretty fucking sure that I have ADHD - that something is literally fucked up in my brain - and that it's getting worse as I get older. Or maybe I'm just realizing more and more how it has and is affecting my life.
So today we're in the midst of this CoronaVirus/Covid-19 thing. It's April 11, 2020. The company I work for has ordered WFH from March 13 to May 15 and their timeline has been in sync with what's going on. Anyway, my DH who is extremely intelligent and very much anti main-stream anything yelled at me when I barely disputed something he said abut the numbers, but I'm not really here to talk about that. It's just that him yelling at me sent me into my depression spiral that always happens when something upsets me. I'm not able to self-regulate my emotions - a symptom/trait of ADHD, so. That.
Another stupid thing that came up -- for National Siblings Day, I posted a family picture from 1971 that I've been lugging around for probably 20 years. I borrowed it from my mom with the idea that I would get it restored and give everyone copies. Two ADHD factors here - one is that I never did that, because every time I looked into it I got bored when I hit a snag and dropped it. And I procrastinated looking into it again. Of course. The second is that my sisters and my mom exclaimed upon seeing the picture that they thought I lost it. I could be mis-remembering, but I don't think I ever said I had lost it. But their comments bring up the other primary trait I have with ADHD is that I have pretty much disappointed everyone in my life. That I've failed pretty much everyone I've ever known. So, that.
