Today...

Probably won't vote. Part of me wants Trump to be defeated, not because I oppose him, but because I am so SICK of the whole fight. I don't know. This country seems pretty fucked up beyond repair - and I'm mainly talking about the powers that be.

How I feel about the world of Covid-19 in one word: Done.

It is May 7, 2020, and we are on the brink of trying to return to life in our "new normal" so I'm taking this time to deluge on my biggest take-aways of this thing:

1.) The media really is about what they want from you - anger, emotion, compliance, ATTENTION - it really makes sense that all of our major news outlets are owned and controlled by ENTERTAINMENT companies. Their goal is pretty much never to inform and always to get you to keep watching. Or buying. Or voting. Or whatever.

2.) The anti-Trump people are anti-Trump NO MATTER WHAT. They don't give him any slack and jump on everything he says and does and regurgitate it to be a negative. My DH says this whole virus is really just about the upcoming US election. It's kind of hard to argue with that.
* Note: I WILL be voting for Trump if for no other reason than to just piss off the haters.

3.) The news media are EXTREMELY superficial. This virus situation has wreaked havoc on our supply-chain and caused economical consequences that we are only beginning to perceive. But the reports related to this are about how thousand of chickens were killed, or tons of milk were dumped. Explain to the American people why that happened so we/they understand the big picture. Not that we'll pay attention, which leads me to my next take-away...

4.) I hate to call them sheep, but people are really mindless, obeying zombies. They're told to "Stay Home" so they all take that as not going outside. Cops arresting a man in a park with his son when no-one else is around. People wearing masks when they're riding their bikes or driving in their car ALONE!  These people obviously don't have a clue of how the virus is spread. They're just doing what they're told.

5.) BIGGEST TAKE-AWAY - The extreme left is just as bad, perhaps worse, than the extreme right. It makes me a bit sick to side with the right, but I can't help it because of how ridiculous the left has become. Perhaps a post for another day, but maybe not, because I'm really just ... done.

ADHD is Real

Hello. I'm thinking I should use this place to post all the shit I think because no-one reads this, so it's pretty safe, maybe. I'm still un-diagnosed but pretty fucking sure that I have ADHD - that something is literally fucked up in my brain - and that it's getting worse as I get older. Or maybe I'm just realizing more and more how it has and is affecting my life.

So today we're in the midst of this CoronaVirus/Covid-19 thing. It's April 11, 2020. The company I work for has ordered WFH from March 13 to May 15 and their timeline has been in sync with what's going on. Anyway, my DH who is extremely intelligent and very much anti main-stream anything yelled at me when I barely disputed something he said abut the numbers, but I'm not really here to talk about that. It's just that him yelling at me sent me into my depression spiral that always happens when something upsets me. I'm not able to self-regulate my emotions - a symptom/trait of ADHD, so. That.

Another stupid thing that came up -- for National Siblings Day, I posted a family picture from 1971 that I've been lugging around for probably 20 years. I borrowed it from my mom with the idea that I would get it restored and give everyone copies. Two ADHD factors here - one is that I never did that, because every time I looked into it I got bored when I hit a snag and dropped it. And I procrastinated looking into it again. Of course. The second is that my sisters and my mom exclaimed upon seeing the picture that they thought I lost it. I could be mis-remembering, but I don't think I ever said I had lost it. But their comments bring up the other primary trait I have with ADHD is that I have pretty much disappointed everyone in my life. That I've failed pretty much everyone I've ever known. So, that.

Have to Vent

I'm having a self-loathing episode. Currently working out of our SF office for the week, and we had an offsite all day meeting that because of my ADHD, inability to properly judge time, and my incessant need to "do it on the cheap," I was late and got reprimanded by text by my boss.  The ADHD kicked in while I was getting ready, and I suddenly realized my plan to get there early turned into rushing to get there on time. THEN I made the mistake of taking a shared LYFT, to save the extra $20-$30 bucks and was NOT on time. The reprimand sent me into the uncontrollable emotional reaction (which I think is also ADHD) and I was unable to get myself out of it. Then, real or imagined, my boss basically ignored/avoided me all day (which could have been imagined, but does it really matter?)

The day ended with a group dinner, which, in an effort to cheer myself, I chose to drink four cocktails (not at all my usual). When I got back to the hotel, I spent the night pretty much feeling like shit. I awoke this morning and got myself to the office at a decent time, but still the self-loathing persists, and I'm not having a good day.

Just needed to share.

UPDATE - My boss scheduled a Check-in meeting with me and turns out I'm getting a bonus and a raise. So no more self loathing. I'm actually pretty pleased with myself.  Oh fickle emotions!

And now for something completely different

Okay, not really. Just posting that I am NOW setting a realistic goal to lose 2-3 pounds a week and get to my goal of 137 by my HealthyWage weigh out date. That goal, which I'll get $500 for accomplishing, is to weigh out between May 07 to May 21 at 152.1 pounds. My plan will get me both the cash and my ultimate goal.

Wish me luck!!

https://www.bestherbalhealth.com/13-day-diet-plan/

Special K Diet

FINISH: Monday, 01/20/2020: ????

I crashed and burned on this diet. It was just too boring to eat cereal two meals a day. I've now reverted back to what I know, which is tracking what I eat and following the rules that everyone knows about eating properly.


https://www.healthline.com/health/diet-and-weight-loss/special-k-diet#sample-meal-plan

START: Monday, 01/13/2020: 170.9 lbs.

01/13 - My work place provides free cereal, along with drinks and snacks (I know, right?) and one of the cereals is Special K, so I thought of this diet.  As explained in this article, Kellogg no longer promotes the Special K Diet, but it is still used by a lot of people.

With the calculation of hitting 137 by first Monday in April, I still need to lose 2.8 pounds a week. This diet, as described, is a two week diet. I'll see how the first week goes and then decide if I do two.